Never tell a woman she looks "fine"

You know when people use the word
“literally” when they mean
“figuratively” and then you get all
snooty and tell them they literally
don’t know what literally means?
Well the joke’s on you, ma’am.
Since the incorrect usage of
“literally” was so widespread, The
Oxford English Dictionary officially
changed the meaning of literally to
include both definitions. In 2011
already. So while literally still means
in a literal sense as in: “Advanced
Ebola symptoms include literally
bleeding from the eyes” it also
officially means in a figurative sense
as in: “The last Game of Thrones
episode literally made my eyes
bleed.”
So literally can literally mean
figuratively these days.
While this might be an acrid pill to
swallow for the staunch upholders of
English grammar, I actually think it’s
pretty cool. Languages evolve
through time and usage and the
only languages that do not change
are the dead ones. Besides, there
are many other words that we use
daily that didn’t originally mean
what they mean in today’s usage.
“Awesome” is a great example. It
used to mean inspiring awe or
terror. A natural disaster or a god
would be awesome. Not a night out
with friends, or getting to leave work
early on a Friday.
“Amazing” is another one. It’s
supposed to mean "to cause great
wonder or astonishment". Yet, no
one will blink an eye, or more
pertinently, ask you what happened
if you tell them you had an amazing
chicken salad for lunch.
This is all good and well if everyone
knows the new meanings and uses
the words in the same way of course.
Which brings me to my point this
week…
These days I’m a big believer in
building human relationships,
mending rifts between the sexes and
striving for harmony in general.
Which is why I want to make a
public service announcement right
here in black on white:
“FINE” IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. AND
YOU SHOULD NEVER ATTEMPT TO
USE IT AS SUCH.
It is all very well that the word
originally meant satisfactory or
pleasing, but any woman can tell
you that saying “Fine” in response to
“How do I look?” is a deeply and
incredibly stupid thing to do.
No one wants to look fine. Unless it’s
with a long “I”. As in “damn, girl,
you fiiiiiiiiiiiiine”.
There are literally dozens of other
adjectives you can use that can
denote a wide, nuanced variety of
positivity in your response.
Fine is not one of them.
And while I’m at it, when you ask
her how she is, hours later after the
dragon fire has died down, and she
says “I’m fine”, that’s probably not
meant positively either.